Game Changer

For me, a website which tells the world who I am and what I am doing is extremely important. It is my foundation. I may not have a physical business space, so I still build in the inner webs.

Since 2008, I've developed 4 websites: www.FlyingOm.com, www.HathaBodyWorks.com, www.Yogasage.org and www.AerialYogasage.com. I've also started 2 blogs, have 2 youtube channels, two facebook pages, 5 emails, and I've changed my name three 3 in the past four years.

As myself changes and morphs (for the better), I am looking for something stable to hold on to. It's exhausting starting from scratch every time. And, for the first time in my life, I'm not traveling. I've been living in Puna in Kalapana for the past three months with no plans to leave, and all plans moving forward toward rooting me here and starting a business.

Actually, I've already started the business and I feel the sweet sensation of success already. But, getting back to the branding and marketing myself... While my business seems to change, my name remains consistent. You could say, "Well, Samantha, you've just mentioned that you've changed your name 3 times in the last four years.... why would branding your name be effective... how is this going to be any different?"

Well, my friend, the answer is easy. The work that I am doing on the planet is to help people feel lighter. I also have a passion for working outside and taking in the solar energy. I believe in the power of the sun to heal. It makes pure sense that my website REFLECT the name that I feel that I embody: Samantha Sunshine. My given name is Samantha Gray, and it seems like a no-brainer, especially after people meet me and get to know me, they laugh when they hear Gray. Comments like, "Oh, your name suits you so well; Gray? hahaha"

Samantha Gray feels like the past. Professional, yes. Honest, yes. But I am a dreamer and a visionary. In a way, owning up to www.SamanthaSunshine.com takes courage--- it takes fire to live up to my name every day. Since I see myself as an optimistic and compassionate leader and coach, my visionary name is Sunshine. Today I thought of a slogan for the website, "Samantha Sunshine: Experience the warmth" ...something like that. Like, the sun definitely INSPIRES, but the sun also gives warmth, which stands for compassion.

I will have a month negotiation trial period where GoDaddy will attempt to buy up the domain for me. As of now, I've only made it into the negotiation phase of owning SamanthaSunshine.com. I couldn't go to sleep tonight without at least trying to help my dreams come true. After all, I am a dream coach, and owning my real name (as real as it gets), is the next step in birthing my creative and visionary self. I'm all about moving forward..... Here's a cheer and a hip hip hooray that the future of this domain lies in my fingertips. I promise to utilize this domain to practically direct people to my work, so they, too, can experience the warmth of the Sunshine.

Aloha

Coconuts are like the Vegan Buffalo

Coconuts never fail to amaze me! Over the last months, I've been increasingly eating more and more coconuts being back on the Big Island of Hawaii. Also, we had a BIG harvest of about 50 coconuts right on the piece of land where I am living. At first having all this fresh, needing-to-be-processed meat was overwhelming. Overwhelming because my body only wanted the water, and I felt stressed about wasting any of the precious white coconut meat that is found in older coconuts.

My discovery of eating consistently older coconut meat has inspired me to write down a list of all the foods I'm creating with coconuts. I am learning to FULLY embrace whatever stage the coconut is in,  because this particular raw, local, organic food creates an enormous variety of foundational foods found in the human diet.

Here's the List:

Older Meat:
-Coconut Oil
-Rich smoothie base
-Very sugary, refreshing alkaline water
-Toasted coconut croutons (taste just like bacon bits)
-Coconut Rice (just the coconut meat fiber)
-Coconut ice cream (good cream to use as ice cream base)
-Toasted coconut fiber (good to add to yogurt or granola)
-Coconut Milk
-Coconut Mac n Cheese (use coconut meat or coconut milk instead of regular milk)
-Thai-style Coconut soup
-Thick coconut salad dressing
-Raw coconut curry cold soup

Younger Coconuts:
-Best-ever water for fasting or enjoying in the hot sun
-Vegan egg whites
-GREAT for smoothie
-The young meat is like vanilla jelly.

I'm sure I'll still keep discovering new uses of coconuts-- and I'll let ya know! Bye for me :)

I don't know if writing helps...

I've been searching lately to pin-down some sort of spiritual practice.
Something consistent and something that works!
I know it works when, after the practice, I am an overwhelming POSITIVE person
I feel better after the practice.

This is not where my yoga practice nor my massage practice led me today.
In fact, it just allowed me to wallow deeper in contemplating my despair.
Maybe sometimes there's just no natural remedy to take me UP from being down.

Today the affirmations were all about accepting the pain and disappointment of life.
I am always avoiding discomfort, pain, injustices, depression, anger
And I fully embrace optimism and enthusiasm for life.
I figure, when I'm not feeling WONDERFUL, than there is something I must do... and fast.

When I don't do something to reverse the ill feelings I am having
the negative thought and feeling linger, and sometimes fester.
I did help today my chanting, "I am grateful. I am appreciative. I am grateful. I am appreciative"
That helped a lot.

I notice when I can physically voice positive statements-- even better-- when I can say positive statements out loud, the power is more obvious. The lowest form of power is when something just swirls in the head. Writing is the second most powerful. Only second, because you can keep it in your head for quite a long time.

Voicing things out loud is the third most potent form of transmutation- something negative into something positive. I want to be a leader on this planet. I want to be a leader on this planet.

In many forms. I want to be a leader on this planet.
I want to be a compassionate leader on this planet.
Today, I didn't do so great. And that's ok. I still love and accept myself.

My attention span seems low. I need something to help train my mind. Is writing on this blog the answer to my conundrum...? I notice that writing is the second best- also meaning it is the second-most accessible. If I can't say something or have the freedom to say something, than I better have the balls to write it. Ahh.... writing it. Why is writing so great anyways?

Perhaps writing is a way, method of compost. Maybe... just maybe... the negative voices that I give attention to... maybe the negative voices that I write down will magically loose power when I write them down. Or perhaps it is a process where one writes down the negative thought, then erases it and writes in the positive thought. So, like a writing process that has two major phases. The dark side----erase-- and then the light side.

The mind seems to have both perspectives at all time. But, I bet I can train my mind to only see the positive. It is about training- and superhero warrior training in our day. This takes focus on words, and the ability to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY THOUGHTS, WORDS AND ACTIONS

I don't preach, I share

YES I seek to make change in the world, but I am discerning that only ME can change. I have control over that. So, I'm learning how to live a life as an artist and LOVE working for somebody's else dream (Gold Fork Hot Springs)... and not trying to change their dream. That's my lesson that I have come to learn to take me to the next step further along my spiritual growth.

I realized too I am going to keep my blog open for anyone's who is interested in reading about my spiritual journey. A hot topic on my blog is going to be talking about living off of the spring water where I am living. I am also going to be bathing in this water and drinking it and using it for my water to clean my dishes. I am required to harvest my own water, thus I am going to have a deep relationship with the water. I've never experienced this intimacy before. I know my life is going to drastically change, in the BEST ways possible

Sometimes I see myself as a spokesperson for alternative healing. Sometimes I see myself as a "guinea pig" for trying out anything alternative or any "spiritual-type" healing.  And I believe it is my divine mission to SHARE and talk about the solutions and what's working.

I think I make a good guinea pig because I am totally open and excited to embrace the new paradigm healing ways.....

For me, on my journey, NOW---It's time for me to compost the fear of publishing and being judged. It's not like I'm going to be hung for speaking my truth (that was the old paradigm).  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I don't expect to be liked by everyone, but some I believe will be drawn to what I am doing and what I have to say. I'm not on a quest to "convince" or "preach" ... it feels more like a path of sharing and..... inadvertently teaching...

Here's the link to the Facebook page should you want to be advised when I publish my spiritual journey UPDATES.....on FlyingOM (facebook page).

Is not too hard to explain enlightenment...

I am writing with a passionate purpose to provide a raw, honest and insightful critique to a movie I recently saw called, Enlighten UP! This movie’s aim is to turn people off from exploring the journey of going within, and refrain from using well documented and effective tools, such as yoga and meditation.

For those already using yoga in their daily lives, they not need to see the film. For those even slightly interested in exploring the reasons why yoga is effective for finding internal peace, this movie will give you such a negative glance at “spirituality” (as they call it) that afterwards you won’t want to step foot in a yoga studio. In order words, if you’re on the fence about deciding whether or not to have faith in making personal transformation toward greater overall health, this movie will convince you that there’s no such thing as a path or way to achieve happiness. How depressing is that?! 

This movie is designed to help those who don’t dedicate their lives to seeking their own personal truths feel more secure and OK with the lack of participation in the human spirit liberation movement. It gives examples, case studies, and interviews to somehow make an argument that contentment is located far outside yourself. You walk away more confused about spirituality than when you started watching the film.

If you haven’t noticed, I don’t have positive evidence to convince you that this movie is helping humanity evolve in a higher direction of peace and love. The movie’s highly superficial representation of yoga, and the way in which the practice impacts the lives of millions, is dishonorable and (my personal passionate feeling) intolerable.

My anger toward the spiritless direction of this story is the emotional layer on top of the sadness. I find the downtrodden message of “there’s no calculable evidence that proves a self-nurturing practice, like yoga, leads to greater levels of overall happiness” is so pathetically unrealistic, or as my friend Coco Dave would say, "We're constantly given misinformation". What’s even more sad is this movie has emerged during a critical time on the planet when humans are needing empowering solutions, alternative choices, comfort, encouragement and tools to go within so they can escape the rat race of capitalism. 

 It seems like the fear vibration of the movie surfaces around the self-hate notion of “I am going to resist slowing down, closing my eyes, tuning into how I feel- (without my eyes), ask myself how I am doing…”—all for what? To continue to share disempowering messages with you:  keep up with what that person is doing over there because I care more about what that person thinks that I do about my own personal happiness. Fear, fear, fear and blah, blah, blah!

Yoga helps eradicate the obsessive nature to fixate on the external world as reason to not believe in the safety and sacredness of the self. Yoga is simply feeling the body and doing a physical moving practice using the breath and body in such a way that feels liberating for the individual. And moving the body is one method to express creativity, which is in all of us and needs a platform to release.

This movie is probably the best excuse in the world for me to dedicate my time to sharing the “ah ha” moments of life, both through movie and music. Because YES there are tools to help calm the mind and focus on peace. YES there are ways to physically open the heart to feel a natural sensation of euphoria. YES there is a way to explain the benefits of yoga by shinning the light of truth. YES the spiritual journey is a rewarding one, and it is not too hard to explain enlightenment.

All of if can be taught, and thus all of it can be learned. What it boils down to is the category of readiness of the person. I see that there are three levels: 1) You’re ready and willing to try anything to see the results and have the experience 2) You’re interested, so you start asking questions of how to begin the journey 3) You are a skeptical (the film maker and guinea pig) and are not interested. These types of people are the ones that do for the wrong reasons- trying to please someone outside you, a virtue trap or doing it purely for monetary reward.

In the case of the movie, Enlighten UP! Nick Rosen- the chosen subject to be a “guinea pig” for the different modes to increase awareness had a negative attitude from the start, and it was obvious he had no conscious, heart-driven desire to learn. Motivated to make money and through the virtue trap of, “I gotta finish what I’ve started” the movie drags on and the low moments get lower as one sinks in a pool of hopelessness.

So, unless you’re wanting confirmation to not have faith that life is a fulfilling process of getting to know yourself, your connection to your body, others and the planet, than this movie will leave you disturbed.

Nick Rosen, the main character, is a tragic and classic example of how yoga in the mainstream representation is poorly misunderstood, displayed as esoteric and under represented.  Now, more than ever yoga is a practice to be regarded with great respect because it is a highly relevant practice to further human evolution/enlightment .

I know my purpose for watching this film was to figure out what not to do for a documentary regarding consciousness raising. I am going to create a very easy to understand and practical movie that explores teaching the individual to realize it’s own glory, beauty and purpose on the planet. Because we’re all needing that download more than anything.

Say Good-bye to denial and hello to empowering information!

 

The Potency of Money

Life is getting easier without a partner to share life with, but it definitely has it's challenges. I realize how much I've been depending on and using men (relationships) in my life to strengthen me. In some cases I even see I take advantage of the strengths that men have, and for this, I am not proud.

One example is that I could either go to a car mechanic and pay them what they ask me, or try to "save" money by spending time with a "man friend" who has the time and love for me to fix my car. As I was watching my friend fix up my van today, marveling at the difficulty of fixing a broken radiator, I had a greater appreciation for car mechanics. What they do is not fun, nor is it easy. It definitely take a lot of time to get in the engine, and it's really boring, stinky, leads to horrible body posture and it's messy.

I admittedly felt ashamed for asking him for help and not sucking it up and paying the amount the mechanic asked me. What I realized is trying to save a couple bucks and getting a friend to do it for free is not right. In the long run, it's a bad habit to get myself into. When things break down I either need to fix them or take them to a mechanic. Since I never plan on becoming a mechanic, it's important for me to realize that part of my money needs to go to that. Time is money.

I haven't been in a far-ingrained habit of working and making money in many years. For this reason, I am excited and ready to start my new life in Idaho making good money and getting into the habit of waking up and going to work. My lack of financial strength has really been holding me back in Hawaii and has led me to spend time with people that I wouldn't normally spend time with. The kind of people that fix cars are the kind to eat meat, cuss, drink and never do yoga. Why partner up and pose as a friend when I know the truth deep down inside. It is now I am really just now understanding the difference between a friend and a business relationship. I have really confused so many boundaries and relationships in my life because of money. It's incredible how powerful and important money is...

I am looking forward to moving on.. to starting anew... It's been intense being with my lover and friend, Eric, for almost two years and then separating. He makes it out to be like the separation has been very easy for him, as for me it has been really hard. But, moving on and being in Idaho will be really really good for me. I feel so attached to him. Only time heals.

I feel bad distracting myself with things to get me to move on, but I realize this is only productive because he has no plans or desire to get back with me. It's like I want to be true to my authentic heart and pray for me to be led back to him, but it takes two to tango.

Bottom line: My life is going to be so different when I have money. I make poor decisions when the money fear and lack present. I am not hurting people, only hurting myself. Yes, I am not making the best decisions now, so I post pone better decisions for the future. This doesn't even sound like it is allowed in spiritual terms. hahah. I will try to make better decisions in the future and realize using people to get free stuff to save me money is not winning in the long run. The shame is not healthy. I want to be proud of myself...

So, here's to ending my mission of poverty and here's to abundance coming my way. Here's to making better decisions not clouded with fear and lack. Here's to entering a partnership with strength.

I love myself so much
I accept myself
I am on a journey!!!

Creating Boundaries

I am very upset with myself. It is at times like these I wonder how this effects my overall self-trust....?

I am torn apart on the insides because I have compromised my truth and I am finding that the reason it happened was because I have no boundaries in place that I have affirmed.

It is not OK for me to engage in sexual activities with men I do not find attractive
It is not OK with me "paying" for things through flirting
Men do NOT hold all the power; that's the illusion worth dissolving

It is OK and safe for me to say when it is uncomfortable
Leaving it up to the moment to "figure it out" is not healty
When the body is touched, it is seduced, and this impacts the decision-making of the mind (for the moment)

My sensuality is SACRED
Golden question, "Would I ever do that to him?"
And, "What am I gaining from this?"
"What am I really wanting from this relationship?"
I am strong; I don't "need" anybody

I am committing to ending the suffering of not holding strong to my beliefs
I CAN enforce the rules that I have put in place for myself
I take myself seriously first before anyone else
I take my beliefs as firstly more important than other people's beliefs
It is not in my highest good to be "wishy-washy"

2013- Blasting Away All Obstacles

I am feeling MORE and MORE free to express myself and I am feeling the lightness of this new year/paradigm/shift. Through writing, I am beginning to understand the deeper side of the limitations my mind places on my life. Over the last 5 years, in specific, I have become best friends with perfectionism. Why? Because if you understand the ins and outs of this perfected form of imprisonment, you begin to understand how to escape.

The first step is being able to recognize that you are your worst enemy. I am currently staying at a community of like-minded people- the kind that do their spiritual work and remain conscious not to project their issues onto others. Being in this environment allows me to understand how many negative things I make up in my head that I assume people are saying about me. Today, as I was walking through the land, feeling like any second someone was going to yell at me for doing someone wrong, I felt like I was walking on egg shells. It was such a dis-empowering feeling that I felt like fleeing to my van and having a crying session with my inner child.

Also, at times when I think the whole world around me is saying negative things about me, I want to run. Far, far away. This is also a very undesirable, trapped-like feeling. So, I decided to breathe into the pain and at least entertain the thought that my negative thoughts of ME are perpetuated by me.... It's not like I'm telepathically hearing what people are thinking about me... It's just ME taking off the focus from what I'm doing to think about things that don't matter and that are HUGE wastes of time.

The sensation to quit and run away from my creative project of making an AcroSage video was so strong that I started thinking out the logistics of the escape plan. I took a huge sigh and thought, "Ugh, I really really don't want to go there. I'd rather assume that things are going to work out, and that I'm meant to be here, and that I am liked and that I am welcome here".

I think a huge reason that I run away from grounding my visions and spending time being creative, is because deep deep down there is a dark seeded pain of feeling that, no matter what I do, I'm not good enough. I'm inherently flawed...

That depression zone hasn't ruled my life as of late. I find myself pushing over obstacles. I hear myself speak out loud to myself when my mind is swirling and buzzing inside my head. I spontaneously do affirmations. I ask myself often, "Ok, we finished that creative project-- what next?!?!?"

I feel so much forward momentum with the new year, and I am so grateful to be spending a sustained amount of time rising in my power (creativity). I believe I relate most everything in life to my creativity. I have no plan, no desire, no divine purpose to be a mother in this lifetime. Instead, my divine purpose is to birth my own unique form of bodywork/yoga, and share it with people. My spirit work becomes my baby. I have to remind myself of this often. Because, the more I honor my creative work and nurture my creative artist like a baby, the more clearly I understand WHY I am here.

Many out there say life isn't easy. I'd agree with that, except for one caveat; life isn't easy if you constantly fight your divine purpose or decide it's not worth the search to figure out what really makes you happy. Once you align with that which you ARE- that which makes you come ALIVE- the more grace and ease spirit showers.

I am blessed to know what I am here for. May the obstacles continue to be smashed into little pieces of no-thing-ness. A ho!

Are you ready to work?

Two nights ago I raged out on myself. It was profound and welcomed. Deep down inside I was eager to know why I was feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. I knew I held all the answers within; it was just a matter of creating a certain atmosphere and series of situations to lead me down the rabbit hole into my explosive truth..

The major theme that came up for me was empowerment. I suddenly saw how my believing very little in myself and me barely supporting my dreams and what I'm passionate about has had majorly negative repercussions for my life and thus those close to me. When one operates from a state of fear and low self confidence, there is a tendency to look outside for all the answers and entertainment. This is short winded experience of happiness because you never quite understand what the big trigger of perpetual happiness is-- instead, it remains mysterious and spontaneous.

Since I know now the root of much of my unhappiness, a profound shift has occurred. I am beginning to ask myself, "What can I do for you today so that you feel empowered?" I feel so flattered every time I ask myself that question.

Hum.. Let's start with the fact that I feel unequal with men because I have a resistance to fixing things. My van (home) is broken and I've been putting off repairs with little respect toward my own sense of worth and feeling comfortable. Combating that habit, I awoke and realized taking care of my home- the place I live--- is a crucial way to support myself.

I also noticed that, since my van (mobile home) was constructed by my ex-lover, it still had his energy all over it. When he started building the vision, I started expressing my giddy excitement about painting the interior of the van. He shrugged his shoulders and said it looked better with just the wood finish. At that point in my journey and in my lower state of self-esteem, I took on his opinion as more important than mine.

Why are colors so important to me and why do I get so excited about them?! I am absolutely fascinated and intrigued to notice that when I look at a certain color I feel a certain way. I feel that colors actually block out negative thoughts and emotions. I feel better when I see the color yellow. So, you bet that's what I painted my van today:::: Sunshine yellow all over!

In addition, I had the opportunity to get over my limited thinking about women and fixing things, and instead adopted a new thought pattern and new attitude. I forgave the fact that no one taught me practical things growing up; there's no point in holding any resentment and every reason to forgive. Forgiveness is a way more effective use of energy!

I have a new thought/affirmation now: "I am open to the idea that one day I will know how to fix things better. Right now I am learning and I have plenty of time still on this planet to learn, grow, make mistakes and learn from others"

Because I went in with that attitude today, I can tell it made the experience so much more rewarding and fun. And because the Spirit of optimism, foresight and love were with me, I was able to get so much accomplished!

Check out this list of things I did today with my friend Bob:::
-Fixed and cleaned the side doors
-Make homemade delicious breakfast and lunch (made coconut milk!)
-cleaned and painted rear doors
-Found and repaired three major leaks on the roof of the van
-Cleaned the top of roof
-checked and put oil in my van
-Fixed a tile that had lost stick in the kitchen
-Painted the walls yellow and orange
-Sanded all the rough edges of the wood
-painted the bed white and yellow
-reserved a book speaking engagement for myself on my Birthday ------ VERY EMPOWERING!

And, what is MOST amazing about all of this creative energy is that it stemmed from contempt. I was so angry at myself, however once I found the root of my rotting and festering points of frustration with myself, I was able to focus on the theme "empowerment". Now that the word is on my radar I am attracted a new flow of people, experiences and perspectives on the way I see life.

The good news is both internal rage and jealousy can be cured if you just listen to your dreams and take actions toward the dreams. It is not enough to talk. And, it's not ever enough to talk about it and do it. I am reaching a more hawk-like appreciation for the creative process: 1) you talk about it 2) to put action to it 3) you complete it 4) you celebrate 5) and you document it!!!

By engaging in this blog and I proud to accounce that I am doing all of those steps and it feels amazing. I feel like I can keep going like this, and my thoughts of getting out and known in the world don't seem so distant. It all feels very tangible and my future thoughts are more and more supporting this passionate, leo-rising healer that is eager to get out in the world...

First, I got to figure out who I am, get comfortable expressing my opinions, get confident sharing my gifts, and know deep down that I am valuable and my work is valuable. The rest is the process of life, or the journey. It is the wise voice inside that reminds me it is not about the destination. Enjoy the ride!

Patience

I trust that it is all unfolding at the perfect, most divine timing
I know that "being in a rush" is a negative energy that creates stress (reduces life span)
I trust that all good things are unfolding for me
I am in alignment with my purpose and the entire universe

The only reason I am not out there as  BIG shinning star
Is because I am preparing myself for success
I must nurture my cancer moon and inspire the kapha pisces that it's worth getting out there
I will deliver, I will sing, I will speak when the time is effortless

When my throat is relaxed and I feel the internal strength from the GUT
I will move forward then.....
I speak from a deep place of knowingness.
And, thus I am still practicing and affirming my knowingness.

I am having arguments with myself in order to learn how to defend myself.
The mind is strong and in order to evolve it must be transparent
How can you know you need rebirthing when you are not even aware of your thoughts?
That answer is, you can't.

You must first go into the chaotic and schizophrenic place within yourself
The part that yells and critics you...
You have to let that energy express itself, so you can begin to know how to respond
It usually all boils down to fear.

I choose love now.

It's been 4 years of stiflling my creative flow

It's really confusing to me. I have talent. I am a visionary. I am passionate about what I do. I don't want to work for other people's dreams and my near (and extremely close goal) is to work for myself-- the spirit within.

Having said that, I'm young and my gift to the world-- Yogasage-- is in it's infancy stage. Just being hatched, I am slowly crawling out of my shell, and I feel very vulnerable. I feel so exposed. I look at what I do as so incredible revolutionary, that the very thought of really telling people what's going on in my work feels taboo. I feel absolutely blocked to being transparent with what I do.

It feels illegal, and yet it brings incredible healing power to those I have the blessing to work with. The classes and workshops I teach, I know, change the lives of those I meet. To this day, I've only met one person who didn't like my style of bodywork. That's a pretty good track record, if you ask me!

So, I write, knowing that I don't feel ready nor confident to promote myself. I feel optimistic that there will be a day when I will have the confidence, the credentials, the money, the license, the education, the conviction and the unwavering faith to continue what I do. Now, I pray for patience, and I work on the art of expression.

I'm grateful to be writing again, and revisiting this blog that I set up four years ago-- when I first came to the Big Island. I have no intention of anyone else every ready this-- and so the question becomes, "than why don't you just write on your journal?" Well, this feels like a very different practice to me. It's also work my confidence because I AM putting my words and my energy out of the internet. It is PUBLISHED and there is a chance that other people will ready this. So, to me, it is a whole different energy than writing in a journal.

My goal is to one day reach the level of self-confidence and self-approval where I see my writing as valuable. I must first believe that it is worth writing and reading before anyone else can be drawn to me and my work. I cannot emphasize this enough!

If I don't believe in myself and if I don't affirm who I am and how talented I am, than I naturally attract the opposite- those who see me as worthless. The only one to blame is me. I must first see value in myself. Then, one day, when I look at my writing, I will be able to discern when the feeling shifts from a dull, numb place of "I'm not all that great" to "Wow... this is fantastic! I'd love people out there in the world to know about me".

But then, there's a lot of fish in the sea. I don't expect, and I think it would be insane to expect that everyone would like. Once I can realize there is actually a "target market" of people that would be potentially interested in what I do and who I am, than I can expect the criticism and I can expect the praise. The question is: "How do I just get in touch with those like minded people that would enjoy my writing?"